


but I love it when you try to save me

by mythoughtsaretroubled



Series: but I love it when you try to save me [1]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: (almost) everyone lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Character, Demisexual Character, F/F, Heavy on the angst, Rating May Change, Season 4 AU, Some minor violence, Tags may be added later, and tbh thats all that matters, background three gulls, light on the fluff, most importantly jennifer and jordan live, this is a love story at its core
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25477699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythoughtsaretroubled/pseuds/mythoughtsaretroubled
Summary: Jennifer and Jordan bonded one night while they got drunk and Jennifer may have caught feelings, and Jordan is confused how she made a friend, but it's really good they have each other, considering Haven being . . .well, Haven.
Relationships: Jennifer Mason/Jordan McKee
Series: but I love it when you try to save me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122830
Comments: 12
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to iamtheholyghost for being my beta and personal cheerleader
> 
> This is my first chaptered fic I actually have plotted out so we will see how this goes. 
> 
> Title from 1950 by King Princess

Every day in Haven was scarier, but Jennifer never felt the urge to run. She felt like she was in a story, filled with mystery and drama and answers. The only problem was she wasn’t the protagonist. Which might partially be her fault. She had been clinging to Duke, who seemed to understand the madness of this town, making her feel a little bit safer. But now Lexie was here, who everyone swore wasn’t Audrey, and she had replaced Jennifer. Or maybe Jennifer had replaced Audrey and now Lexie was replacing her. It was all very . . . disheartening. She had just been temporary.

She was at the Gull, trying to resist the urge to drink her sorrows away. It served her right for getting a crush on an actual pirate. And she knew, she had known he was in love with Audrey. And she had seen the way he looked at Nathan, the pining so apparent she wondered how anyone couldn’t see it. Not to mention, he forgot about her all the time now that Lexie was here. Lexie and Nathan, Nathan and Lexie. It was like the time she fell for the head cheerleader because she talked to her in math class, only to find out she had been cheating off her tests. Heartbroken wasn’t the right word. She hadn't been in love but she had been ready to love. And now she was . . .disappointed at the loss of what could have been. And disappointed in herself for believing in a fairy tale. Haven might be a story, but there was no happily ever after.

And she wasn't the princess. 

With that, she grabbed a bottle of red wine from the shelf. Duke said she could make herself at home, now that she was officially his roommate, so she would. She poured herself a glass when someone walked in.

Jordan McKee. 

The woman with the flashing eyes, whose anger and sorrow radiated off of her. Jennifer felt for her, although she wasn’t sure she agreed with the woman’s methods. She also thought she was gorgeous, and tried not to let that fact go to her head. Her track record with gorgeous people just kept getting worse.

“It’s Jordan, right?” She looked startled when Jen said her name and then scowled.

“Where’s Crocker?”

Jen gestured with her glass. “Probably pretending to be a cop again.”

Jordan stalked over to the bar. Despite the fact she had pointed a gun at her multiple times, Jennifer didn’t feel threatened. This woman was in pain, not evil incarnate. Jordan sat down next to her and took the wine and grabbed her own glass. “I don’t even know your name.” She clinked their glasses together. “I should probably know at least that much before we get drunk on Crocker’s booze.”

“Jennifer.” She raised her glass and took a sip. 

“You said you had a Trouble, right?” 

“Yeah, I can hear this . . . Barn and everything that happens in it.” 

“So you outlived your usefulness.” 

Jen took a longer sip. “Apparently.” 

“So when do you leave?” She had a feeling Jordan was mocking her, trying to get a rise but she hadn’t talked like this with someone for months. And who cared if Duke hated her, he wasn’t here and this was . . .well, it wasn’t nice but it wasn’t bad. 

“Oh, I’m staying. There are answers I want and the key to it all is Haven. And Duke feels guilty about kicking me out so now I’m his roommate.” She heaved a sigh. “His brother is there, too.” 

“Oh yeah, he’s cute.” Jordan was smiling a little. 

Jen furrowed her eyebrows. “I guess he’s not my type. I get some... vibes off of him. And he’s loud. He is far too old to be going to parties at one am. That’s some college bs.” 

“Who would you prefer, Duke?” Jordan sounded incredibly judgmental. 

Jen swallowed the reflexive “you”. “I mean, in a world without Lexie and Nathan, sure.” 

“What does Nathan have to do about it?” 

Jen looked away quickly. Shit. She did not mean to out either of them. She had just assumed their feelings for each other were obvious. And didn’t Jordan date Nathan? “It’s just a . . . intense dynamic,” she said, trying to be vague. 

Jordan nodded. “Yeah, they do seem weirdly okay with their shared obsession of her, don’t they?” 

Jen had yet to directly ask Duke, but she was fairly certain they had a romantic past that made them equally obsessed with each other. “Yeah. Enough of this, let’s get the good stuff,” she said, slipping off her stool. 

“Can you even reach the top shelf?” 

Jen stuck her tongue out at Jordan. “Bite me.” She climbed up onto the back counter and heard Jordan cracking up. “Do you want me to make you a drink or not?” 

“Why waste time making a drink when you can drink it as is?” 

“Ew.” 

“Grab the bourbon and get back down here. I am not drunk enough.” 

“Okay, bossy.” She grabbed it and hopped down, and grabbed two glasses. She poured them out, sliding one over to Jordan, and keeping one for herself. “Here’s to . . .”

Jordan finished. “Here’s to getting totally wasted.” 

An hour later, they were on the other side of the bar, giggling uncontrollably. They had given up on glasses and resorted to taking turns drinking directly out of the bottle. “A human taser,” Jennifer barely got out, the bottle forgotten in her hand. “That’s so fucked up!!”

Jordan was shaking with laughter. “I know!!”

“Okay, like I get why that sucks,” Jennifer had found a sliver of clarity in her very drunk brain. “But like, that is such a good vigilante superpower!!”

Jordan started laughing again. “What?”

Jen was getting more and more excited. “Think about it. You could like, save people from their attackers, just by touching them! They would have no idea why. It would be amazing!! You would be amazing!!”

“Oh, my god, we really have had too much, haven’t we?” Jordan said, taking the last few sips from the bottle. 

Jen smiled. “You know, you are much cooler when you aren’t holding a gun.”

Jordan looked down and shook her head. “I can’t even say I regret it, you know?” Her voice was soft. “I’m so tired and angry, just all the time. People are dying. Isn’t one person’s death better than this… constant onslaught of death?”

Jen tried to think, her head cloudy. “I just don’t think killing is the answer.” 

Jordan’s voice was soft, Jen had to lean forward to hear her. “I think I might be a monster.” 

Jen had no words, desperately wishing she could just think, say something to comfort her. She took her leather clad hands in her own instead, squeezing them tight. “All we can do is try, right?”

Jordan started crying at that and Jen wanted to touch her face, smooth her hair back, hold her close. She prayed to an unknown god to be like Lexie or Nathan, to be able to just touch Jordan and comfort her. 

“Please don’t tell them anything,” Jordan whispered, when her tears stopped. 

Jen didn’t need to ask who they were. “Never.”

Jordan pulled her hands into her lap. “I can’t drive home like this.”

“Is there anyone you want me to call for you?”

She slowly shook her head. “No.”

Jen felt a wave of compassion towards her. And a little spike of pettiness. “There’s plenty of room on the Cape Rogue.”

Jordan gave her an alarmed look. “I don’t think Crocker is feeling very generous towards me right now.”

“Well, he’s not offering. I am. I live there now and we are friends. So I’m inviting you to spend the night with me.” Fuck. “I mean, not spend spend the night, like that. It wasn’t a terrible pick up line, I was just offering platonically, you know. Because we are friends now. At least, I hope so. And I don’t want you getting hurt and -” 

“Jennifer.” Her voice was soft when it cut her off. “You want to be friends?”

“Yes.”

“We barely know each other.”

“I like what I know.” 

“Me too.” “Yes, to your question. Much better than driving.” 

They managed to avoid both Duke and Wade on the boat, hushing each other’s giggles. Jennifer ushered Jordan to her room, quickly closing the door behind her. Jordan stopped abruptly. “There’s only one bed.” 

“It’s plenty big enough for two people.” 

“I might touch you in the middle of the night. You would . . .you would wake up screaming.” 

“It’ll be fine. I don’t move much in my sleep.” Jennifer went to her unpacked boxes to dig through for pajamas. “You’re lucky I wear pajamas too big for me, otherwise you’d be stuck in that for the night.” 

Jordan was standing at the foot of the bed, staring. 

“Seriously, what are you going to do, sleep on the floor? Get in bed. I’ll sleep under the blankets, you can sleep on top.” Jen arranged the bedroom it functioned as two. “Okay?”

“Fine.” 

Jennifer fell asleep, comforted by the fact that Jordan was in arm’s reach.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not asking Nathan for his ex-girlfriend’s number!!”
> 
> “Twenty bucks if I can be there when you ask.”
> 
> He was silent and she watched his silent debate with himself. “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [iamtheholyghost](https://tumblr.com/iamtheholyghost) and [serendipityxxi](https://tumblr.com/serendipityxxi) for beta-ing!!

Jennifer woke up to the gentle swaying of the boat and the sound of someone breathing in her bed. She turned to find Jordan fast asleep, looking young and vulnerable and Jennifer found herself wondering how old she was. She reached to wake her and then drew back, worried about Jordan reacting to her touch. 

Her hangover wasn’t as bad as she expected, but the dull ache in her head persisted. She scrambled through her packed boxes, trying to find anything to wear. She was confused how she had so much after being in Haven for only a few weeks. She accidentally knocked over a box, relating in a loud thud, startling Jordan awake. 

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. 

Jordan grunted. 

“How’s your head?”

Jordan blinked sleepily at Jen. “In desperate need of coffee.” She was adorable, with her mussed hair and squinted eyes, stretching into her yawn, reminding Jen of a sleek black cat, casually dangerous. The t-shirt Jen lent her was practically swallowing her, the neckline showing off one shoulder. Jen wished again she could reach out and touch her. 

“Enough to brave the Crockers in the morning?” She tried to refocus on caffeine and the awkward encounter waiting for them around the corner. 

Jordan sat up and heaved a sigh. “I suppose.” She started looking around until she spotted her gloves on the bedside table, hurriedly yanking them on. 

"You might want to wash your face first." 

She swung her legs out of bed, standing, stretching again. "Do I look like a raccoon?" 

"Yes, but a really cute raccoon. I might have some clothes that would fit you. If you don’t want to wear yesterday’s clothes." Clothes that were crumpled on the chair next to the door. 

"Is this how lesbians avoid the walk of shame?" 

"Whenever I have a one night stand with a woman, I don't borrow her clothes because I don't want to see her again." 

"You're a lesbian." 

Jen couldn't read Jordan's voice but she took a deep breath and said, "No, I'm bisexual." 

The pause that followed made her want to shove the words back in her mouth. Fuck coming out, she should have kept her damn mouth shut. 

"I've never met someone who was bisexual." 

"You've never met someone who was out as bisexual," Jen corrected her. "You live in a small town and you're not exactly a people person. It's not surprising." She was carefully avoiding eye contact with Jordan. 

"You told me." 

“Easier to lose a friend now than in a year,” she said bitterly. 

“Why would you lose a friend over being bisexual?” Jordan sounded genuinely confused. 

“Oh my god, Jordan, just say bi, please.” She finally looked up to meet Jordan’s steady gaze. She was perched on the edge of the bed, watching Jennifer. “I tell a girl, and she either tells me it’s fake or makes a big deal about telling me she’s not interested. And guys just think it means I want threesomes. Friendships don’t usually last long after that.” 

“I didn’t think about that.” 

“You can ask your questions now.” 

“I think I’m good. Just give me a minute and we can head down together.” 

Jordan turned and left the room and Jen let out a sigh of relief. That could have gone a lot worse.  
  
When Duke walked in on Jordan and Jen eating breakfast in the kitchen, he only paused for a minute. He stayed silent, watching them carefully. And Jen couldn’t help but giggle when Jordan rolled her eyes.

Duke scowled pointedly at Jordan. Jordan scowled back. Jennifer’s giggles got louder. And then Wade walked in, looking completely confused.

“What's going on?”

Jordan gave Jen a small smile and stood up, placing her mug down. “Well, as delightful and awkward as this is, I’m going to leave now. Jennifer, thank you for letting me stay, Wade, it was nice to see you again, and … I’d say thank you, but I don’t think you deserve one just for not kicking me out, Duke.”

Duke mockingly raised his glass at her. “Anytime, sweetheart.”

They all listened to Jordan’s footsteps as she left the boat. 

“What the hell was Jordan McKee doing on my boat?” Duke turned to her, arms crossed. 

Jen stuck out her chin. She was usually nervous in new friendships about upsetting people, but with Duke, she had already been rejected. She didn’t have much else to lose from him. And, come to think of it, she was still angry. “She’s my friend,” she said, throwing down the gauntlet. They might as well have it out sooner rather than later. 

“Since when?” Duke demanded. He was coming closer to her, now only an arms length away, looking down into her eyes. She had to crane her neck to meet his gaze. 

“Last night.” She kept her voice cool and distant and even. 

“You had to make friends with her?” He said, crossing his arms. “You couldn’t have chosen anyone else?” 

She realized Wade had slunk off with a cup of coffee. Fine.

“Well, my only friend was off ignoring me,” she said pointedly. 

Duke at least had the decency to look ashamed. 

“You're my only friend here. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. You know that. So I made a friend.” She looked down, avoiding his eyes. “Look, I’m not saying you have to spend all your time with me or anything like that, but you can’t tell me who I can be friends with. And if you really wanted, you could have introduced me to more people.” 

“Nathan-” 

“Nathan means well but he’s not exactly friendly. He’s your friend, he’s not mine.” She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye again. “I belong here and I want to stay here but you are the only person I know and I thought I could trust you but ...you clearly care more about your... friends than me. Which is fine. But I don't know anyone. So yeah, I'm trying to meet people. And yes, one of them is Jordan. But what else am I supposed to do? Wait for you to remember I exist? No. I'm not doing that.” 

He was silent, and it was stifling but she had said her part. It was his turn. “I’m sorry, Jen.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, you just need to let me be.”

They stood there, in tense silence, neither of them suited for it. Jennifer fidgeting with her coffee and Duke was tapping his fingers on his leg. 

“What did you and Jordan even do? Paint each other’s nails and have a pillow fight?” She felt smug that he broke the silence first.

She smiled. “No. . . but that would be awesome. I miss sleepovers.” 

“Can I come?” He was giving her a look, a look that she perfectly understood.

Jen narrowed her eyes. “Only if I can watch you and Nathan make out.”

He threw his head back and laughed. He shook his finger at her. “I like it when you are mean.”

“Uh, thanks?” She bit her lip, bracing herself for the awkward question she needed to ask. “Do you have Jordan’s number?”

“Really?” 

“Yes. Do you have it?”

“No!”

“But Nathan does?”

“I’m not asking Nathan for his ex-girlfriend’s number!!”

“Twenty bucks if I can be there when you ask.”

He was silent and she watched his silent debate with himself. “Fine.”

Jen was wired the entire way to the station. She wanted to see Jordan again. And Jordan had implied she wanted to see her again. But Jen rarely made the first move out of confidence. But she was shockingly attached to Jordan and the fear of losing her spurred Jen forward. 

Jen did not deny that she had a crush on her new friend. She knew the drill. She would be doe eyed and a babbling mess for a few weeks and then her fantasy would come crashing to a halt. Whether it was rejection or simply reality crashing down on her, she always held the loss longer than she nursed the crush. But she was a grown woman. She could crush on Jordan from a distance. Platonically hang out. She needed friends far more than she needed a romantic partner. Or sex. Not that she would say no to either.

But Jen just missed talking. Jordan had told her she missed it too. Jen lost most of her friends when she left the Globe. Of course, if they were really friends, she would have put in an effort. But small talk in the office does not make a true friend. But Jordan felt like she could be a real friend. 

When they got to the station, Duke made a beeline for Nathan’s office, walking right in, uninvited, unannounced. 

Nathan looked up from the file on his desk and met Duke in the middle of the office, while Jen stood in the doorway, unwilling to intrude and carefully watching their interaction. 

“Hey, Nathan, buddy.” Duke clasped a hand on his shoulder, physically rocking him back, so he tilted back. If he couldn’t feel, Duke must have practically pushed him for him to move. 

Nathan caught Duke’s arm and held on tight. “Duke.” He caught her eye in the doorway. “Jennifer.” He nodded stiffly at her. 

Duke pulled away and Nathan’s body titled towards him. It was always like watching magnets, the way their movements followed each other, how close they always were. Jennifer swears they are always touching when they are together. It would have been strange even if Nathan could feel. One day, she might convince Duke to tell her the whole Shakespearean love story between them. 

Duke kept his voice light, as if he were telling a joke, moving so he was now leaning on the desk, right next to Nathan, their shoulders brushing. “I was wondering if I could have Jordan's number.”

Nathan didn't freeze, he was too still for his body to have the sudden lack of movement seem jolting. He didn’t even pull away from Duke. But Jen saw him tighten, just a little in his shoulders and his jaw.

"No." Nathan crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed. He was defensive of Jordan. From Duke? Maybe simply because Nathan knew how much she hated him. 

Interesting. 

Duke coughed and looked at Jen. “Uh, well-”

“It's for me.” She cut in, saving Duke the awkwardness. That had not been as fun as she hoped. 

Nathan raised his eyebrows. Jennifer could not figure out whether she liked him or not. 

“We were talking last night and I had a nice time and I want to reach out to her.” 

He continued to stare at her. Duke was studying his face.

“Platonically,” she blurted out. “I’m not asking her out on a date or anything, I just wanted to be friends with her, or try to be friends with her, like get drinks and talk and hang out and just, you know?” She wanted to hide her face in her hands. She sounded like a child.

Nathan remained silent, almost staring her down. She never understood how people stayed quiet, she always felt the need to fill silence. She clenched her mouth shut to avoid any stray words from flying out. 

“You can find her at The Gun and Rose. If she wants to talk to you, she will. If she doesn't…” He shrugged.

“She’s not going to touch me,” Jennifer said, quickly filling with anger. 

Nathan looked down at her. “She wouldn’t.” And then he left. 

Jennifer and Nathan were two very different kinds of weirds.  
  
“Is this stalking,” she asked Duke as she left.

“I think this is normal... I mean, she seemed to like you too. And it's not like you are going to follow her home or keep harassing her if she tells you to leave her alone.”

“Is that your definition of stalking?” 

“What’s yours?” 

She shrugged. 

“I probably shouldn’t go with you, though.” 

“Good thing you weren’t invited then, isn’t it?”

He tilted his head, smiling. “I think you’re hotter when you’re mean too.” 

Jen ignored him. “Thanks for the help. I’ll see you tonight.” 

He offered her his keys. “These might make your day easier.” 

“Are you going to bug Nathan some more?” 

“Always.” 

“And Lexie is due any moment.” 

“That she is.” 

“Well, have fun.” 

“You too.” Duke gave a little wave as she turned around. He really was ridiculous sometimes.  
  
The cafe was cute. It was absolutely the last place she expected Jordan to work. She realized she didn't know what Jordan's job was until she saw her waiting tables, long sleeves and gloves, all in black, chatting with each table. Smiling. Jordan was not someone Jen would have thought worked in customer service. She didn’t exactly play nice. Jen walked a little closer and realized the stiffness of the interaction, the forced fake that came with customer service. 

Jordan lit up when she saw Jen. She held up a finger, signaling her to wait. Jen nodded. She tried to ignore the flutter in her chest as she watched Jordan finish up with her table. She came over, dropping the coffee pot off at the counter. 

“I wasn’t expecting you." 

"Surprise?" Jen shrugged. 

“I can’t take my break for a while, so I can’t really sit down and chat.” Jordan pulled out cleaning supplies and beckoned her over to a table. She started wiping it down. Jen pushed down the urge to help her. 

Jen stood off to the side, not quite sure where to look. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean to intrude.” Words just fell out of her mouth again. “I just. . . wanted to make plans and realized I didn’t have any way to contact you.” 

Jordan stilled. “How did you find me?” 

“I asked Nathan?” 

Jordan scowled and started scrubbing the table aggressively. 

Jen hurried on.“I didn’t have your phone number!! So he told me I could find you here.” 

She stayed silent and Jen's words filled the air. Jordan was tense now, closing herself off. Jen felt the distance stretch out between them. 

"Well, now you know where to find me if you need anything." Her words were cold and bit into Jen's skin. “Bye.” She stepped around Jen and to the door, fake smile plastered on to greet the new customers. 

"Um, okay then." Jen looked around, feeling very small. "I guess I'll see you later." Jordan wouldn't look at her. "Bye." And there was nothing but the chatter of the cafe.  
  
Jennifer made her way back to the Cape Rouge, trying to ignore the sting of Jordan’s words. She would just apologize next time she saw her and leave it at that. She had been so eager to make friends, specifically someone as fascinating as her, she had rushed into a friendship. She was overeager and awkward. Jordan was . . . Sophisticated . . . Terrifying. Drop dead gorgeous. Jennifer was cute and looked far too young for her age. She should be used to being dismissed so quickly but it still hurt. 

She spotted Wade unloading boxes on the Cape Rogue. 

Jen sighed internally. "Need some help?" 

"Yeah, just moving them to the Gull." 

She braced herself when she picked up the first one and found it surprisingly light. "Wow, what's in these?" 

Wade grumbled. "I wouldn't know. Another one of Duke's secrets." 

Jen found Wade exhausting whenever she spent more than five seconds with him. "He's just trying to keep you safe."

“I'm his brother. You know more than I do." He slammed down his box and Jennifer jumped back. 

“I really don't.” She tried to keep her voice upbeat and breezy, smoothing out his anxieties. 

“He's been ushering me out every day but he brought you here.” There was accusation in his voice as he took the box out of her hands and dropped it down carelessly. 

“Only cause I broke him out.”

“Of jail?”

“Of a hospital.”

He laughed, all sarcastic and bitter. “God, leave it to Duke to seduce a random girl in a hospital.”

She flushed. “I found Duke. Not the other way around.” He had promised her answers, she realized. The very answers Wade craved. 

“I didn't mean it like that.” He shuffled his feet. “I'm just so sick of being second best to Duke. My dad liked him more than me and even my wife had a crush on him. I'm a nobody.” 

Oh, if she didn't feel that in her bones. She really should cut him some slack. “We are all somebody. To someone.” She patted his arm awkwardly. 

He met her eyes, a hopeful look shining through.“You believe that?”

“Of course. I have to.” 

“Am I? Somebody?” He stepped closer and she resisted the urge to step back. 

“Yeah, Wade.”

He smiled and pulled her forward, kissing her before she could react. 

His lips pressed against hers and he had one hand on her back and the other on her neck. She couldn’t pull back, so she just stood as stiffly as possible. 

Wade finally drew back and looked at her, confused. “You don’t like me either.” 

Fuck, and now he was going to make this about himself. So now she would have to find some excuse that would preserve his feelings. 

“Wade, you are going through a divorce right now.” She kept her voice gentle and soothing, trying to assuage his feelings. “That’s a lot to process, emotionally. Maybe worry less about romance and sex and more on yourself and other kinds of relationships.” She smiled brightly to emphasize the well meaning in her voice, masking the exhaustion and frustration she felt. 

An ugly expression crossed his face. “Bitch.” He spat the word at her. And with that, he stormed off, leaving her with a boat of boxes and the urge to wring his neck.  
  
Jennifer hid in her room, door locked, laptop open, looking for any kind of job, just to keep her busy. And maybe earn money so she didn’t feel like a deadweight. After an endless stream of jobs that were not in Maine, Jen slammed her laptop shut and decided it was best she eat, so she snuck through the ship, discovering another secret closet on her way up. 

When she got to the Gull, she was shocked to find Jordan there, talking and smiling with Wade. She had a gloved hand on his arm and Jennifer could have sworn they were flirting. Hadn’t he just kissed her a few hours ago? Jordan really could do so much better. 

Jordan looked over when Jen cleared her throat, biting her lip. She walked away from Wade. 

“Listen, I came to apologize.” Her voice was softer than the last time they spoke and she was standing close to Jen. She lightly touched her hand, just for a second and Jen’s heart leapt. 

Jen stopped herself from stepping forward. “No, I'm sorry. I totally invaded your space. That was really rude of me.” 

She shook her head. “Nathan is just a touchy subject for me. Doesn’t excuse my behavior.”

“Ha. Touchy.” 

Jordan tried to glare at her but a smile crept across her face.

“Can I ask about you and Nathan? That's why you were upset, right?" 

“Yeah. I probably need to talk about him.” She looked over her shoulder. “But maybe somewhere more private?”  
  
Tucked in Jordan’s car, in the back corner of the parking lot, Jennifer admired Jordan’s profile from the passenger seat. 

Striking was a good word for her. So was intense. Looking away from her was impossible but looking straight at her was almost blinding. Jen wished she could take a picture of her, looking straight ahead and regal with the soft colors of the sunset in the car window. 

Jen blinked and then asked the question burning inside of her. “What’s the deal with you and Nathan?” 

Her eyes narrowed. “You mean Duke hasn’t already spilled all the gossip?” 

Jennifer leaned forward, just a little, meeting her eyes unflinchingly. “I want to hear your side of the story.” 

Jordan leaned her seat back, avoiding eye contact. “I-” She stopped herself, her eyes searching outside the window. “I thought I was in love with him. I could touch him and that was . . .” She shook her head. “That was amazing. But it was only a month. How ridiculous is that? I didn't even know him before. I knew who he was, sure but I had never really met him.” Her voice had gotten softer, almost a whisper. She took a deep breath and placed a hand on the car door. “I should not have been so heartbroken." 

"But you were." Jen felt the anger in her voice. The pain. Jordan chose to trust someone and he betrayed her. She reached out a hand and Jordan snatched hers away. Jennifer placed her hands back onto her lap. Jordan needed space, that was all. 

“But our entire relationship was about Audrey. He only wanted her and I was a means to the end.” Her mouth twisted. “I think that's what made it worse. Knowing he didn't even care about me.”

Jen wrinkled her nose. The relationships in this town were even more convoluted than all this weird magic. “How does that work?”

“He wanted to infiltrate the Guard for her.” She sighed. “They thought the person who kidnapped her was one of us. I don't mind the infiltration, that makes sense to me, I understand that. I probably would have done the same thing. But he didn't need to seduce me to get in.” The last words sounded bitter from her mouth. 

“Maybe he missed touching people too.” 

“He couldn't feel me.” She curled her hands into fists, ready to punch someone. 

“Yeah, but being close to someone is more than just feeling. And he understood how you felt. Maybe he wanted to give that to you.” Jen knew very little about Nathan but it seemed plausible. 

Jordan clenched her jaw.

“Maybe you need some closure,” She said, placing her hand next to Jordan’s. “Closure that doesn't end in death,” she added with a smile. 

She scoffed. “Closure.”

Jen moved her hand so her pinkie rested alongside Jordan’s. “Talk to him. About your relationship. Find out what it meant to him.”

She laughed, but it was sharp and cold. “I have. He confirmed everything I thought.” She turned accusingly to Jen. "Why do you even care? Why are you defending him?” 

“I’m not defending him. I just want to understand what’s going on with you, with him, with Duke and Audrey or Lexie or whatever.” Well, mostly Jordan but Jennifer wanted to unlock all the secrets of Heaven and here was a tangible secret. 

And Jordan was a friend she wanted to understand.

“Do you even like them?" Jordan demanded. 

Jen shrugged. “I mean, Duke is the best roommate I've ever had.” 

“Yeah but Nathan and . .. . Lexie.” She said their names like they left a bad taste in her mouth. 

“I don't dislike them.” Jen was occasionally deeply jealous. But only occasionally. “I don’t know them. But I don’t want them dead. I want answers. They have them.” 

Jordan leaned forward. “They used me and they are using you too.” She sounded almost scared. 

Jen nodded. “I know. I just happen to agree with how they are using me.” She glanced out the window. “Or were using me.” 

“You won't always.” The warning in her voice was heavy. Jordan moved her hand to cover Jen’s. 

Jen looked at her, startled. 

“Hey, I know we only just became friends but,” Jordan took a deep breath. “If you need anything, you can call me.” She handed Jen a scrap of paper. “Just don’t text, typing in gloves is a pain in the ass.” 

Jennifer laughed. “Thank you.” 

Jordan bit her lip. “Until tomorrow.” 

Opening the door of the car, Jen hopped out. She waved as Jordan drove away.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!!! Seriously, feedback is very good!!


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